Serial Drama

Google Searches Make Even a Blizzard Enjoyable

I was raised in California.  I did not have a backyard; I had a beach and a dock.  I tell you this not to sound like a spoiled brat (though I probably was that), but to help you understand why the fact that I am currently halfway through shoveling nearly 30" of snow off my front porch, walkway, driveway, car, and sidewalk is driving me to the brink of a nervous and physical breakdown. 

I needed a pick-me-up.  I needed to laugh.  I needed to feel a sense of superiority to at least a few other people in the world, preferably those who live in year-round warm climates.  I turned, of course, to the Google searches people use to find our little slice of the internet here at Serial Drama.  Mission accomplished.

could i date the girls of serial drama?

That depends.  I need more clarification about the verb "date."  Like, as you would a large tree?  I can save you the ring-counting:  I am at that point in my 30s at which I've stopped saying the specific age and just say "mid."  Mallory, on the other hand, is only barely able to drive legally.

If you intended the more obvious usage of "date," then your query prompts additional ones, including:  Both of us?  What website did you think Google might send you to that would answer this particular inquiry? Is it wrong that I'm slightly flattered by your search?

love issues: uncle and niece dating

Also, "congrats" to Days for having more than one storyline that led to this disturbing search actually correctly leading someone to our site to explore this issue in more depth. (And hey, since Max is coming back to town, we might have more uncle-niece romances to document.)

bob guza must be destroyed

I like the way you think.  His role tends to be that of destroyer, not destroyee, but if we work together perhaps we can expand his destruction repertoire.

Your Burning Questions, Answered

People continue to search the internet for answers to life's biggest questions and, in doing so, bring joy to my life. Pure, unbridled joy. The kind of joy you get only when you find out that someone, somewhere, asked "i need a song that is a sad song for an old mans funeral and it has to do with pigs and childrens". That kind of joy. To pay these people back for this happiness, let's take another look at the search queries that lead people to Serial Drama and try to get them some answers! Except for the old man funeral with a song about pigs and children. I have no idea what that is.

general hospital want something bad to happen to winifred

I fully co-sign this wish. The creation of Winifred was probably one of the worst decisions that General Hospitalhas made recently and when you look at some of the baffling, dreadful decisions they have made, that is saying something. Why would someone think to themselves, "You know what this show needs more of? Mob worshiping. And oh! What if the mob worshiper was an FBI agent who also speaks like Spinelli! How funny would that be? Let's make this happen right away!" and why would their boss say, "You know what, that's a fantastic idea! And let's put her in 42 episodes from January to April!"?

The only way this makes sense is if it were part of some elaborate plot by Claire Coffee to make us see how good we had it when it was just Nadine annoying us all because at least she spoke like a human being. In that case, TOUCHE, CLAIRE COFFEE! TOUCHE!

the hot guy dominic rains youtube

Is this the start of a new trend where we give people descriptive titles to differentiate them from people with the same name? Because I would completely love that trend."That dreamy man Peter Bergman" and "That useless moron Heidi Montag Pratt Just Heidi" may take longer to say, but they get the point across quite nicely. Anyway, try here for all of your Dominic Rains video needs.

young suds make better lovers

I am assuming that this question was supposed to be "young studs make better lovers", which...we are not that kind of blog! But on the off chance that you did actually mean suds as in soap suds...we are still not that kind of blog, but you may be interested to know that bubble baths are thought, by some, to be harmful to your health!

Inquiring Minds Want To Know

Becca and I have long maintained that one of the best parts about blogging is seeing the search queries that lead people to our little piece of the internet.

You have the adorably earnest people...

it's great having john aniston front and center on days of our lives

the creepy people who almost certainly drive white vans...

nasty teens in red dresses kising

and the people on an obvious quest for the perfect hairstyle. No lie, probably about half of the searches that send people are way are about Laura Wright, Megan Ward and Alicia Minshew's hair. We are with you, Googlers! They are in a three-way tie for world's best hair.

We are far more entertained by these keywords than we are most of our soaps (which isn't exactly a difficult feat, but you know what I mean). But what happens to those poor information seekers when they leave Serial Drama with their questions unanswered? We are feeling more and more guilty about throwing these people to the proverbial wolves, so we decided to take a shot at answering some of the questions people have had this week. Just like Ann Landers and Dear Abby, except marginally hipper!

Fun With Search Terms

In an effort to distract myself from how bad Y&R is right now*, I turned to Google for amusement. I'm always far too amused by the random search terms that lead people to Serial Drama. I don't know if they are actually funny or if I just have very low humor standards, but I really get a kick out of them. However, I felt it necessary that I do a public service announcement in response to a search that sent someone here today:

Who was the Ashley that played on the Young and Restless that has a sex change?

Poor Eileen Davidson. Like her life isn't hard enough! She got shitcanned from Y&R for no good reason and even though she rebounded with a gig on B&B, she found herself in a story crossed between Ronn Moss and his decadently 80s scarf/mullet combo and Kyle Lowder's fivehead (sixhead?). She has horrible fashion sense and, despite playing like forty six different characters on Days of Our Lives, she still lost the Daytime Emmy that time to Cynthia Watros. All of this, and she still can't seem to shake the persistent rumor that she was once a dude. Tragic!

Dear readers, let's put the rumor to rest: Eileen Davidson is not a man. I repeat: not a man. Snopes backs me up on this one. I'm far more intrigued by another Ashley Abbott mystery: what species is Shari Shattuck? There's no way that she is human. Remember how horrible she was at emoting, speaking, and even standing? I apologize in advance if you had all been trying to repress her memory.

That is the end of today's public service announcement. Tomorrow: a lecture on Stranger Danger!

*Seriously, what the hell? Why does Jeff want to marry Gloria? If he wants her money, can't he just blackmail her? It would require less macking on her and also prevent the risk of being suffocated by one of her ugly feather and bead adorned coats. And did I really watch JT have a meltdown over manicotti? I hate so much about the way this show chooses to be.

First Anniversary Self-Indulgence: Google Is Love

Technology affords us the awesome ability to see what search engine searches lead poor unsuspecting internet surfers to our little corner of the world.  We keep some of the results, because they are so entertaining on a number of levels (not because we don't have lives, okay?).  Some are hilariously random, others are hysterical because someone actually thought the internet could answer the question (and only responds to full sentences), some are bizarre because they directed people here, and some are awesomely insightful into people's thoughts on the shows we love to mock.  We thought we'd take the occasion of our first anniversary as an excuse to share with you how some of your fellow readers found us.  We give you:  Our favorite Google searches.

• how many times has susan lucci had facial surgery on her face?
• is liz pregnant with jason's baby (general hospital)
• don diamont's hair never moves
• hunter tylo looks like a freak
• do guza hate women
• IS KELLY MONACO DOING OKAY WITH THE NEW STORYLINE ON GENERAL HOSPITAL
• in general hospial night shift who is putting all the bad things in peoples things
• gh nightshift makes no sense
• what do sonny and jason do
• amber trashing up show young and restless
• where did steve burton's neck go
• why was charity rahmer replaced
• shouldn't jerry know carly
• jason morgan/ spinelli slash
• why are they writing such a crappy storyline on gh for sam and jason?
• jason cook's home address days of our lives
• is jason morgan really a murderer
• the young and the restless writers is stupid
• can i see rick and sam having sex on general hospital
• i don't understand general hospital night shift
• gh steve burton did he double in size?
• night shift is a really bad show

The truly random:

• husband wears pantyhose during sex why
• some one's being a full-on diva skank
• gauchos and dress code policy in hospital setting
• soap stealing robot that ruined our lives
• drugging your boss
• are you a fugly skank?
• leggings parking tickets women prison

If you're curious about the most popular searches, they are some variation on the following (in no particular order)

• are Jason Thompson and Kimberly McCullough dating in real life
• Laura Wright's hair
• Megan Ward's hair
• Carly on GH's wardrobe [Sob!  - Eds.]
• Hunter Tylo plastic surgery
• Serial Drama/Serial Drama blog/Serial Drama soaps funny

Search engines are responsible for a huge portion of our traffic, so we should love them for that reason, but even if they never sent us a single returning reader we'd love them forever for the entertainment the searches alone provide us.