Serial Drama

Random Non-Sequiturs and Save Our Shows!

My quick disclaimer: I am very pessimistic that there is any hope of a decision reversal regarding the cancellations of One Life to Live and All My Children, but I will say that I've noticed a hell of a lot more backlash in the mainstream press than I'd anticipated so, hey, it can't hurt to try, right? And of course, my sadness over the cancellation has already made me the brunt of a lot of friends' jokes, but I don't care a lick -- if their comfort food fell off the Earth for the rest of all time, they'd be sad too, right? This is important beyond just what we put on our DVRs and having to part with families we've been tuning in for for decades. It's hundreds and hundreds of jobs and yet another blow in the slow demise of scripted drama on television; we cannot possibly need more "lifestyle/reality" television. And for me personally, One Life to Live is a very big deal because it is one of the few remaining scripted TV shows (and the final soap) based entirely in New York City (and not shot here but written in L.A. ala L&O SVU, Gossip Girl, etc). It's a big deal here in particular that sustainable day jobs exist here so that hundreds of actors, writers, directors, and designers can stay put in a city where they can work regularly in the theatre and still pay the rent. Read any bio in any Playbill and I guarantee you almost all of them, among the actors' TV credits, list some combination of One Life to Live, All My Children, As the World Turns, Another World, Guiding Light, Loving, The City, and the list goes on. It's no joke that this show being based in NYC in fact supports the arts in a major way.

I'm seeing a lot of flyers, I might add. Tonight I was walking up Eighth Avenue and almost every single one of those little plastic stands that carries the free daily papers was full of "Save Our Soaps!" flyers. I got a little verklempt. Of course some of the coverage out there is deliberately mocking us for giving a damn by making overt efforts to make us all look like hoarding shut-ins with no sense of self or personal hygiene and, hey, that's some of us. That also accounts for some of the viewers of Meet the Press, Sesame Street, 30 Rock, Mad Men and everything else on the schedule.

I am seriously rambling. The point is that if you want to take action, there are about three thousand resources out there right now. You can go here (make sure the volume's on for fun there!) and here (I admire that woman's thorough spirit!) and about a million and a half Facebook groups and pages. Post any other links and information into the comments below, and everyone else scroll down to see what's going on and what you can do! (I am involved in none of this so I certainly can't vouch for it -- just trying to get the message out there.)

 

Oh yeah, the show! Just some stray thoughts:

-Why?

 

All My...Sadness. And Anger.

I've lost count of how many times I've received a comment with some variation of the phrase "If you hate the show so much, why don't you just stop watching?" (not that I was actually keeping count, although such a bizarre tally is up my alley) and it always baffled me and Becca during our days as fledgling soap bloggers.

"They think we HATE soaps."
"We don't hate them at all! Where on earth would they get that impression?"
"I don't know. Maybe because we post obsessively detailed screeds about what we don't like."
"Yeah, on a daily basis."
"And we've actually said 'I hate this effing show'."
"I guess, but still...people are really reading into things!"

Because I don't hate soaps. Obviously, I hate some (many) (most?) (I'm not helping my own case here, am I?) soap storylines, and characters, and decisions writers and producers have made over the years; I'm only human. And yes, I mock...and rant...and get angry (again with digging myself deeper. Remind me not to take the witness stand, should I ever find myself on trial!) but it's less out of hate and more out of...disappointment. You know? I feel like a stern teacher watching a bright student fail because they didn't do the homework. Or Tyra Banks, when she sees that her favorite wannabe model can't take a decent picture to save her life. "You're better than this [failing grade] [dead-eyed photo] [ridiculous and implausible plot twist]!"

And the thought of not watching never crossed my mind. Not just because it's my job, but because I can't imagine not knowing what's happening with Robin Scorpio, or Sami Brady, or Erica Kane!

Unfortunately, what's happening with Erica Kane is cancellation: in one fell swoop, ABC Daytime axed All My Children and One Life to Live to make room for two new lifestyle shows. I'm not usually at a loss for words, but I don't really even know what to say. I've been trying to write for a while, about when I first started watching and loving AMC. Or make a list of a handful of my favorite AMC moments and couples, either that I got to watch as they happened or discovered years after the fact and still love. But the words are just not coming. I can't imagine that, in just a few months, we won't have Erica and Kendall, and Tad and Angie, and other characters that I've grown to love over the years and characters that I've...never liked, but have still gotten used to seeing five times a week! I like my routine, okay? And part of my daily routine is creating new turns of phrase to describe the horror that is Ryan Lavery.

It's truly the end of an era and I am just...so sad.  

And it's doubly sad and also fucking enraging that Brian Frons still has a job.

August Wedding Fashion, Llanview-Style (Also: UH OH)

I think I'll just focus on the most shallow details of this particular soap wedding, since it's doubtful it will actually ever be a wedding.  Blair, of course, looks gorgeously Amazonian in her "it's my wedding day" casual all-white ensemble, but pointing out such things is starting to make me feel not unlike a broken record since, duh, Blair is portrayed by someone who is apparently not human (case in point?  the latest "What If?" episode with its dirty, dirty talk and its creepy song, but the woman is just more on fire than ever).

I know I've been giving Starr a hard time around here lately for her acid wash, her eyebrows, and her adenoids, but I absolutely adored her yellow dress.  Loved it.  Perfect color for her (and not a color most people could get away with), and the detailing on the front was darling.  I kind of want that dress in a color that wouldn't turn me heinous.

Dani's dress was cute, too, since it was age-appropriate and I actually bought it as something she just dug out of her closet at the last second.

Oh yeah, and Langston is pretty.  Is she anything else?  It's hard to tell anymore.  She did look lovely yesterday, but I find myself longing for the days that she had hideous streaks in her hair and wore mall-goth clothes because, hey, at least it made her a little less non-descript.  Speaking of which, can they get a new hairdo for the Cramer girls (and honorary Cramer girls)?  That entire generation is long and layered.  Can we get crazy here, just for a little spice?  Bangs, perhaps?  Would that be a detriment to the teen blandification of Llanview, I suppose?  We can't have that.

Cole, who actually looked quite sharp in his wedding duds, continued on his quest to be the most unpleasant person in history.  Detective Price looked sharp as well in his... well, completely casual and unrelated-to-wedding-fashion outfit, but that's because Detective Price only ever looks sharp, and he can wear whatever he wants to any wedding, including his own wedding.  As the blushing bride, I'm entitled to dictate that.

Oh, forget it.  I'm just killing time pretending to care about outfits.  You may have all heard by now that all the contract cast members have been called to a mandatory cast meeting this Thursday.  Pardon my impropriety, but I am freaking the fuck out.  What do you guys think?  Cancellation for sure, or are there other possibilities?  An AMC-like move to the West Coast seems like an impossibility since they just moved studios.  What else?  What are the rumors out there?  Because really, people.  Thursday is my birthday.  One Life to Live doesn't get to be canceled on my effing birthday, it's a rule.

Anyone?

Our Long Hoped-for Drinks Session with Kelly Monaco Will Now Be Very Awkward

Okay you guys.  I knew from the initial description that Kelly Monaco's Vegas venture would not be the best career move ever.  I believe it was described as a classy topless burlesque act.  I feel the need to bust out the Sam McCall airquotes for that one.

"Classy" topless Vegas show.  Uh-huh.

But no matter what you thought about the idea in theory, in execution . . . have mercy. (Link has no nudity but is probably not safe for work, unless you work in a strip club, in which case you're going to take issue with this entire post so you might as well just not click and skip ahead to the comments section where you berate me for being a prude.  Thanks.)

I sent that link to Mallory yesterday and we both sat, awestruck (on the "horror" end of the awe spectrum, as opposed to the "amazed and delighted" one), pondering how this horrible thing befell the lovely Kelly Monaco.

Mallory:  HOLY CRAP.  How did anyone let her do this?! I feel like she needs an intervention in a major way.
Becca:  Like, seriously, are drugs involved?  I worry.
Mallory:  They must be. I honestly don't understand what kind of people she is friends with if they all let her do that. What kind of a manager does she have?!?!
Becca:  I get that you don't get rich doing soaps, and there's not a lot of job security, but she has way more national exposure than most soap stars, plus I think even if GH dumped her she would get picked up in a heartbeat by another show.  She seems to have a strong fanbase.  So why this?  And why with Scary Spice?  The whole thing is like something some overgrown frat boy sketched on a cocktail napkin while drunk.
Mallory:  I feel like most soap stars don't have great job security but SHE does. Frons loves her and bent over backward to get her to re-sign. I feel like this is just...tacky. And weird! I don't know what she's hoping to get out of something like this, I really don't.

I seriously need help understanding this.  I also need to erase those stick-on-bra and rhinestone g-string images from my mind, so I'm going to reach back into Expression Hall of Fame history and bust out with one of my favorite Kelly Monaco moments ever:  Very Drunk Sam!

Good ("Good"?) News and Bad News

So Days of Our Lives finally got renewed, though only for 18 months.  If the writing doesn't significantly improve, that will be the longest year and a half of my life.  Lord, beer me strength.

The truly bad news is that in order to meet the budget cuts that were apparently part of the renewal package, a ton of actors may be on the way out. 

Soap Opera Digest reports:

DAYS Casting Shocker!
Hot on the heels of the news that DAYS got a pickup (at an extremely reduced fee from NBC), Digest has learned that negotiations between the show and Jay Kenneth Johnson (Philip) have broken down and the actor cleared out his dressing room yesterday. Money is said to be the main issue. "Everyone is being asked to take a paycut," reports an insider. Sources say the show is looking for a potential recast and actors are being brought into the studio today to read. A DAYS spokesperson says, "No comment."

That will decrease the younger male prettiness on that show by at least 33%!  Unacceptable!

And the rumors about who the additional cuts will be are not encouraging.  I swear, if they renewed this thing just to jam Marlena down our throats five days a week, I reserve the right to have all my Days posts be a series of moans and gasps.  (Assuming I could stay awake, and not have a smugness-induced stroke.)

poll by twiigs.com

P.S. Yes, a real Days post is coming soon.  The things I suffer through for you people.

At Least This Is More Interesting Than the Show...Though Not by Much

Well, it looks like Days of Our Lives will have yet another head writer.  According to at least one online source, Dena Higley is out.  I have assumed she is the one who's been responsible for the last several snooze-inducing months of Days, including the cringe-inducing Daniel/Chelsea relationship, the yawn-inducing Morgan/Phillip/Chloe/Lucas/Sami/EJ/Nicole hexagon, the head-scratch-inducing ascent of Max Brady to central character status, and the fast-forward-inducing autism storyline, in which case I say good riddance.  But apparently her spin is that she hasn't actually been writing the show in ages, so who knows. 

Days has gotten a lot of undesirable attention from the WGA lately -- perhaps the showrunners ought to reconsider how they handle issues with the writers?  Speaking of which, I found this part of Nelson Branco's post especially interesting:

Executive producer Ken Corday is said to be trying to seize control of his series, and is hoping to position Higley back at the helm.

Um, doesn't "executive producer" sort of imply that one should already be in control of the series?  You know, being the executive in charge of the production?  If not, they should totally change that title.  It's way misleading!  And as to the second point:  What?  Why?!  I think there have been some good high points during Higley's tenure, but the show has been more uneven than my balance after five Kettle Ones, and the ratings are in what I think people in the biz refer to as "the crapper."

Anyway, it will be interesting to see how this story shapes up, and more importantly who the new head writer is and whether s/he can finally rescue Days.  In the meantime, I'll continue watching (sort of), yawning (definitely), amassing the world's largest collection of screencaps of EJ's hotness and Kate's insane hair and wardrobe, while blogging about the episodes I really care about -- from 20 years ago.  Good times.

Update:  Soap Opera Digest is reporting that Higley is still in as head writer.  Weird!

Maybe He's A Really Big Charles Schulz Fan?

So Ingo Rademacher and his fiancé  had their baby, and we extend our congratulations to them. We love Jax, and we love Ingo and we're very happy for him.

There's just one little thing:

GH's Ingo Rademacher and fiancé Ehiku welcomed son Peanut Kai Rademacher into the world on July 11. The baby weighed in at 7 lbs, 6 oz. and was 20 1/2 inches long. "Dad, mom and baby are all great," notes a show spokesperson. "The cast and crew of GENERAL HOSPITAL are very excited for Ingo, Ehiku and the entire Rademacher family. We wish them all the best during this important milestone."

That...is not a name. That is a legume.

It's not even a particularly nice sounding word, you know? Peanut. I just spent a couple of minutes thinking of the various ways you can mock someone named Peanut (because I have the mentality of a twelve year old) and there's, like, a lot.  

On the bright side, though, he'll almost certainly never have a classmate with the same name, so, um...at least he'll be spared years of having to be known as "Peanut R". That's kind of a bright side, right?

Forgetting Amber Moore

Since this is from the New York Post, I am going to take it with a grain of salt, but several things crossed my mind after reading this gossip item:

JASON Segel may have bared some flab in "Forgetting Sarah Marshall," but that's not stopping him from pulling the ladies. Segel was hanging out at Bar Marmont in LA last week with "The Young and the Restless" starlet Adrienne Frantz, and they proceeded to make out to the amusement of onlookers. "It didn't look like he'd be forgetting her anytime soon," laughed one spy.

• Forgetting Sarah Marshall was so good, you guys. Jason Segel was awesome, Kristen Bell was charming, Mila Kunis is uber pretty, Russell Brand was hilarious and Paul Rudd played a stoner named Kunu. What could be better than that?
• Why does everything ever written about Forgetting Sarah Marshall have to mention either Jason Segel's full frontal nudity or the fact that he doesn't have washboard abs?
• I really hope that the success of this movie means that people will be interested in Jason Segel and start watching How I Met Your Mother. It saddens me greatly that this show is always on the verge of cancellation but According to Effing Jim gets eight seasons to pollute the airwaves.
• Seriously, According to Jim is the worst thing Courtney Thorne-Smith has ever been a part of and the woman spent years of her life in an onscreen relationship with Billy Shue, who emotes with all the passion of a piece of chalk. Think about the gravity of that sentence.
• Remember when Adrienne Frantz dated the guy from the Goo Goo Dolls?
• Why does the guy from the Goo Goo Dolls have the same haircut as Meg Ryan?
• Between her invitation to the Oscars and the gorge gown that came with it, and making out with a member of the Apatow gang, I am officially jealous of Adrienne Frantz.
• If I made a pledge to stop hating on Amber every time I mention Y&R, do you think Adrienne Frantz would use her Apatow connections to introduce me to James Franco? I have zero integrity when it comes to James Franco, so I would totally make ten posts a week all "DID YOU SEE HOW AWESOME AMBER WAS TODAY? <<<3333Amber<<<333" if she wanted me to.

Apparently There Are People at ABC Daytime Who Don't Find Violence Sexy

... maybe they should drop some knowledge on the people who run General Hospital. 

My friend just sent me this link (and rightfully questioned why they're still using the "dreamy" modifier for this guy).  Holy crap!  Regular readers know I don't watch One Life to Live, but I did see that one episode and I thought Nathaniel Marston was kind of hot.  But it turns out he's kind of an unbalanced rageaholic.  (Isn't that always the way?  It isn't?  I need to expand my social circles.)  Anyway:

Troubled soap opera star Nathaniel Marston has been dumped from "One Life to Live."

Marston, who played dreamy Dr. Michael McBain on the ABC soap, was facing trial in February for allegedly attacking three people and brawling with the city cops who tried to arrest him in Manhattan.

. . .

Speculation began building that Marston would be forced to hang up his stethoscope after the 32-year-old was arrested Oct. 20 on charges of assault, reckless endangerment and resisting arrest.

A 6-foot-3 former amateur boxer, Marston appeared to be crazed on cocaine when he allegedly screamed, "I'm going to get you!" and assaulted his victims with a metal crate, breaking one man's leg at 45th St. and 10th Ave.

Good god.  I hope the victims are recuperating well. 

And They Don't Call Cabs Because . . .?

What is going on in Hollywood?  Another soap star gets in on the drunk driving trend:  Sean Kanan got arrested for DUI (his second). 

Maybe he's just going all Method and trying to get the role of AJ back?  If so, he should really be careful around meat hooks, and his passenger should be on the lookout for symptoms of a serious head injury, which include:  becoming excessively attached to t-shirts and leather jackets, expressing emotion through elaborate blinking patterns, and deciding to kill people for a living.

(Like Mallory, I feel the need to apologize for reading TMZ.  But if you ignore the ridiculous headlines, the regular inaccuracies, the general writing style, and the inane comments, it's a decent source of celeb news!  And where else would you see the phrase "fetus fib" used in a sentence?)